Issue 3: Miscarriage happened

Do you know when everything is going great and you are finally satisfied with your life? When after a few years of living together you have found the balance with your partner and you would never change for anything in the world? When you work in an environment that you extremely like? When it seems to you that happiness has never been closer? That’s where my certainties started to fall.

Unfortunately, I have always been a bit unconscious. Since the discovery of sex, I have always loved it and not very often thought and worried about the consequences. I have never loved birth control methods, for different reasons. My solution was to interrupt the intercourse before ejaculation, especially when I started having a stable partner. And then, when you feel really good and you are completely sure of a person, you start thinking that even if this goes wrong, maybe you are okay with it. Maybe the time has come.

We started having complete intercourse knowing that a pregnancy would be very likely. We went on for months like this, about six, without worrying. Then February came. I had had a regular period the month before, but 10 days after the last one, I started bleeding again. Was it possible that the period was back again? I have always had a super irregular cycle (which goes from 25 to 50 days to be clear) so, strange as it is, I didn’t ask myself too many questions.

It was a Monday in February, I had an important job interview and my period was back. Ok, great. Once back home, the hours passed but the bleading did not. It was quite abundant but it turned into something unmanageable in the evening. I had never seen such a thing. The more the hours passed, the more I began to worry. It had become a real cascade of blood that I had to protect with towels and that I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t want to but my boyfriend wanted to take me to the emergency room at all costs. Once there, I have never waited so short, they immediately attached an IV and within 10 minutes I already knew everything. I got pregnant already in December. The period I got in the past months was not a normal one, I was not menstruating. However, something had gone wrong.

They asked me: “Did you know you were pregnant?” “No”. I was excited but also scared because I felt that things were going to get worse. I was dumbfounded for a moment when the doctor told me “the pregnancy is there but it is extrauterine so we have to remove one of your tubas, tonight you stay with us and if things don’t go wrong we will operate tomorrow morning”.

In the same moment, as they gave me the best news in the world, they destroyed it. And they tear me down as well. I stood still and burst into tears only a few minutes later when my boyfriend walked in. Then things got bad. I started getting sick, fainting and was going into anaemia. A few hours later they had to operate me. 26 years old, my very first operation, the one I hope nobody will ever experience. Three litres of blood had poured into my stomach, so they had to operate urgently and give me several transfusions in the following days. I was sick, tore apart, but I tried to find a lot of strength to go on. If we lack this strength in these moments we get lost. It is good to seek for it and build it up for yourself.

I want to take care of myself and trying to be more careful. The causes of an ectopic pregnancy can be various, it can even be just a hormonal imbalance. I know that now I will be trying to get pregnant with all possible precautions, giving up the vices that we young people often have.

The fear of not making it is immense also because the chances of falling back into what I have already been through are high, but I know that my only tuba can do it.

Woman, 26